I am drawn again to Job's story....and the accompanying commentary by Ciholas. Job 13: 13 reads (in part) "let me have silence". Ciholas has an entire chapter on this thought, namely, about how the silence of God speaks volumes to us. And how sometimes we humans will do almost anything to avoid the lessons that silence can bring us.

"The error of Job's friends was that they believed they had insight into his plight. They tried to impose their perspectives on a situation that escaped them. They assumed that they could be God's representatives at a time when God chose to be silent. In any spiritual vacuum, God's word is supplanted by human words. What does it take to reach the conviction that we speak in God's name? Can anyone ever reach that point and become God's prophet amid human chaos?"(Cicholas).

The ultimate in presumption is to imagine that I could speak for God in situations that I have not experienced. To imagine that I could fill in the blanks for God, thus doing Him a favor by explaining what He really means. This is an important point to remember, when I am tempted to talk more than listen. Sometimes, a "spiritual vacuum" is good; it doesn't need to be filled with words by people who cannot understand such circumstances. Nuff said.

The book being studied by a men's group that I have mentioned before suggests that we write a letter to God and "unload on Him". The book chapter pertains to the subject of forgiveness. The author offers the interesting proposition that it is sometimes necessary for the Christian to forgive God. At least, in the sense that we must be reconciled to Him regarding negative circumstances that He allows into our lives. This sounds like a worthwhile thing to do, writing this letter. At the same time, the author cautions that such a letter must be torn up after it is written - and that when doing so, we must pray to God and ask Him to heal us of our bitterness and unwillingness to forgive others. I think this is something that I want to do....but the idea of it is a bit scary.

Our son has a PET scan tomorrow on his lungs and upper body. Please pray hard that cancer has not returned. He is 27 and loves life. He seems to be handling these circumstances fairly well; perhaps better than I am. These are trying times for faith.

Been pretty "dry" lately, not motivated to write. But here goes....

My head tells me the right things. In my mind, the following are true:
1. God is in control
2. God knows best; His plans for my life are good; I can trust Him
3. Faith in God is a good thing
4. If a bad thing happens, God has His reasons for it & they are good
5. I must trust God no matter what the circumstances

These are facts in my mind. I can logically defend them & rationalize them.

Yet, at times, my heart simply fails to believe it. To trust in God is very, very difficult at times. Especially when so many things seem to be wrong with circumstances. Sigh....why doesn't my heart match up with my head?

One of the most incredible Psalms in the Bible is Psalm 51. If you haven't read it in awhile, please do so.

My favorite passage is 51: 10-13 which reads "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with your generous spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners shall be converted to you".

I am praying this prayer fervently right now. I surely need the type of restoration that only God can give.